natural learning milestones

Our life seems so normal, so natural.  I have no inclination to label us or it.  I feel as though questions about how our children learn like this are as if someone is asking us how we eat or breathe.

Just unnesscesary.
We just are.

But I remember the  uncertainty when we began.  I do.  The fear that our children would be “left behind” somehow, not know what others their age knew.
I have realised now how there is a whole set of unwritten milestones in our culture for children.

Sleeping through the night, being weaned, learning to talk, walk, ride a bike, swim, read, write….From birth there is, at times,  a competitiveness about keeping up with the pack.

Now I feel such a freedom from not even being in the pack let alone trying to live by it’s code of conduct..

Realising too that our children will set their own pace, reach their own milestones when they are ready. Most parents can cope with a baby not sitting or walking until months after it’s peers, so why not reading  at 4yrs or at 9yrs instead of 5?

I have seen children learn so easily and naturally when they are ready – be it 4 years or 14.
I just relish  seeing how happy children are in themselves and with their lives when they are left to do things at their own pace.
There is plenty said in spiritual literature about going with the flow, not resisting life.  I have felt strongly that from birth my kids knew what they needed and all I had to do was to meet their needs and help them when required. 

And still it goes on.  There is no difference to a 2 year old saying they do not want to wear something/eat something/ do something to a 12 year old knowing their own mind about what they need to do.

Going with the flow, with their flow, the path of least resistance  is always the happier route and naturally the best one to take.
There is still a lingering philosophy in our culture that life is hard, a struggle, nothing is acheived without pain, hard work, sacrifice…

Thankfully the emerging philosophy of many is that life is a joy.
Life should be fun.
That life should be filled doing the things that light your fire, your passions, the things that make you zing.

This is the very basis of what we do.
How do you teach your children to follow their bliss….?  Let them follow it from birth!  Then they don’t have to spend their adult lives trying to find out who they are, what they enjoy and what makes them tick.
The milestones are there still, but they are set by the kids themselves, not imposed by an outside authority.

So here we are following our bliss….at 10.30pm! The boys hard out wrestling for 2 hours, gloves on, martial arts moves discussed and practised.

Wayne playing the guitar while the boys roll around, dicussions of evolution interspersed with full on fighting…..

Gotta love the fact we don’t have to get up and make school lunches at 7am…
(ooops ,sorry Wayne!)

Right Royal education

I am loving having the Guardian arrive on the doormat each morning (there are some things about Britian that I just love…)

And the kids are too.  They all have a good browse through it and it has certainly been the catalyst for some great conversations.

Of course it is mildly exciting to be right here for the Royal birth and we were very close to Paddington at the time!
Today we have been treated to pages of history, information and a great visual family tree concerning the Royal family and the newest members place in it.  From looking at this we have been discussing all sorts of topics stemming from (mostly) Charlie’s questions –
The name, the fact that the two longest serving monarchs are both women, the lineage, how the crown passes.
I just love the things that are brought to the table when a new experience arrives in my kids lives.  How each one examines it and considers it in their own wayand from their own perspective.  This just adds so much to my own education and enjoyment of what is happening.

I was just happy looking at the photos and thinking how awful to have to appear a.) dressed
b.) smiling
c.) in public

the day after you have had your first baby.

When I had Hannah I truly thought that when you gave birth you just slipped back into your size ten jeans the next day and carried on.  So I gave my pregnant sister my favourite materity dungarees (yes, yes, I know….but they were so comfy…) while still  in hospital (unnecessary c-section instead of planned homebirth).
So imagine my surprise when all I could fit into was an old sarong, which I tied around my still huge and flabby middle regions.

The size ten jeans languished unused for ages.
I didn’t go anywhere for months, and most days if I got in the shower it was a miracle and then it seemed to take all day to get there….

At least I didn’t have the worlds media wanting photos of me though.
Just as well really.

And no we have not queued up to take a photo of the birth announcement on an easel outside Buckingham Palace.
Seems slightly outdated when one could just tweet it….

 

Kindness

I have often mentioned The Daily Groove…and for good reason! The little snippets of wisdom always offer an alternative view to mainstream parenting.  And always a lovely one at that. Here is what was on offer today…

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The Trickle-Down Theory of Human Kindness

In peaceful “primitive” cultures, kindness is sustained from generation to generation by a kind of “trickle-down” effect. At its core is the commonly held value of serving and delighting younger people, especially babies.

 Adults appreciate the delight of adolescents,
.. who delight in the joy of prepubescents,
…. who enjoy entertaining younger children,
…… who love to carry babies and play with toddlers.

The elegance of this top-down, pleasure-oriented value system is that the youngest people receive the most (and give the least) at the developmental stage when they’re naturally narcissistic, while those who give more are more adept at deriving joy from giving.

In contrast…

 Adults in our culture often *fear* adolescents,
.. who call prepubescents “dweebs,”
…. who disparagingly call younger children “babies,”
…… who compete with real babies for attention.

When your children behave unkindly, remember that you can’t enforce authentic kindness. Instead, let it trickle down by *modeling* unconditional generosity. Using your creativity, find a way to serve and delight both “aggressor” and “victim” …and yourself, too!

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I often try to perform random acts of kindness for my children.  I know this can be seen in our culture as the kids being lazy, or us doing too much for them which will mean they grow into useless, selfish adults .

I tend to work on the belief that children are people too, just extra special ones.  So if I know they are tired, unhappy, worried or just busy doing something I will often make them some food I know they love and take it to them.  Or offer to help them with something, or do a job for them. Or make myself available to chat, have a hug, read to them… Just as I would hope to be treated.

Our kids are all extremely capable with domestic tasks, when they need to be.  I ask them to help out, they have regular jobs to do.  My thinking is that they are part of the family too.

I also feel very appreciated by them when I do a kindness for them.  They really understand that I am being kind, not just being a slave.
(OK, at times I may point it out to them…).
Kindness is a value I would love my children to have.
Modelling this seems like the easiest and quickest way to help them experience it, know it and hopefully act with  it themselves.

I feel as though our children can be very kind.
They seem to have  empathy and can show compassion.

Like Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”

And….

Beautiful bumper stickers created and given away by Lauren Fisher

http://www.sparklingadventures.com/

Born to Learn

This is an intelligent look at how we learn.  The little animations make the message very clear and easy to understand – and kids enjoy them!   Some  interesting thought provoking stuff…..

http://www.born-to-learn.org/

Then their new website – Responsible Subversives is here.

I like the quote – we are born to learn , not born to be taught

http://www.21learn.org/

It inspires me to know that others on the planet are questioning the status quo and really pushing for a change in how we do things, especially how we raise our children – one of my favourite topics!

Respectful eating – food at our place

I know I am really nosy about other peoples lives (natural journalistic instincts I call it).  So I am assuming there are plenty of folk who like to  hear about aspects of our lives too…..So here is a bit about our diet.

I am a vegetarian, and the kids are too. Wayne eats vegetarian at home.  I turned vegetarian at 7yrs old when I found out that meat came from animals, then ate only potato, peas and carrots with the occasional hunk of cheese for three years.  It was more of  a habit but still one based on a spiritual belief,  It was hard  to keep up through my teens, but as an adult it has become a conscious choice,  a choice, based on what is best for me and now for my children.  When I met Wayne his then 9 year daughter Kim became a vegetarian within 4 months of us meeting!

I have been vegan for ten years, well what I call vegan plus cake!   Currently I am eating  raw and loving that as I feel so energised.

We drink rice and soy milk, but the kids eat cheese and yogurt….weird,  I know!

I usually cook a range of things, put it out and  let them serve their own.  I don’t go on about ‘eat your greens’,  ‘have some more of this’  etc.  I respect them to know how their bodies are feeling and what they need.
Charlie is the first to say he isn’t hungry and therefore not going to eat at the moment thanks!  What innate wisdom.

We are pretty healthy eaters and the kids eat fruit all day, so I don’t stress about what they eat.
I have learned that stress  around food can make you sicker than not eating well.   I have also learned to eat when you are hungry, eat when you are calm, happy, relaxed.   I love to prepare food and do it with love.
If  I need a break from cooking I buy bread and tinned food and make it easy for myself/the kids. And enjoy the change.

So we have lots of good food, and a variety.  When I toast up sunflower seeds and mix with organic raisins the kids love it and will scoff a bowl each.   I love seeing the kids piling avocado, lemon juice and pepper onto homemade organic toast for breakfast,  I can give Hannah anything if it is covered in cheese…!  When Charlies helps make hummus he makes up a big platter of raw veges with the fresh hummus for us all.

I never waste food, it is something I just can’t do.  So now and then I make up individual meals based on leftovers & things lurking in the fridge and serve everyone up something they love, but that is also using up bits and pieces.   I get a lot of satisfaction from that.
I know habits change,  tastes change and fads pass.  I used to have to blend up anything with onions in for Hannah, that is a distant memory now…   When she is eating something I could possibly worry about, I just tell myself this will pass too  (and it does as she is a a fad eater – eats the same thing for months at a time).
I find preparing food and eating is a great time to educate them on what is good for them and why we eat what we do.

I definitely fought hard against junk/processed food for a long time.  I used to hate seeing my kids at parties and being exposed to things they never had at home.  But I have relaxed a lot over the years, although I don’t buy them junk food – occasional chippies on  holiday or an ice cream.

They can eat other substances (that pass for food) when away or out and I am glad for them to  come home and break out the fruit and veges.  They even crave healthy food too if  they have been away and not eating as much – yes this is true,  I remember one of them saying they just wanted to eat a bowl of broccoli  after a trip away!!

They totally love homemade healthy alternatives to junk food.
The boys have never had a soft drink, or been into the big fast food places.
Saying that I would not stop them and totally expect them to try everything the world has to offer as they grow up.   I feel they have had a good grounding in healthy eating and have seen the benefits  of it.
They haven’t ever been to a doctor.

They have never gotten into buying junk food with their own money, I guess they all love the money they have and want to use it to buy the things they really want.  Plus there is always an abundance of good food at home.

I must admit on the rare occasions I have seen one of them spend money on food I really feel proud and excited for them.
Very empowering.

I love seeing them eating piles of food that you know is good for them.
I am always grateful for the abundance of gorgeous food we have.

What holidays?

 

As Christmas looms so do our long summer holidays.  Schools finish in 2 weeks, other extra curricula activities are winding up.  Six weeks stretch out before us….

I am so looking forward to having no commitments.
Nothing that HAS to be done.
Weeks of endless time.

The wonderful summer holidays.

Yet  there has been a  list entitled 2013 clipped to the cupboard for some weeks now and it is filling up fast, and so yesterday I bought a calender, so all the dates can be transferred over.

The dates start in January!!  Then three weekends in February are booked.

The absolute joy of Natural Learning (I am trying to wean myself of the term “unschooling”) is of course that life is one big holiday, one big passion fueled adventure…
I love supporting the kids in what ever they are chasing.

In January Hannah is organising a Medieval camp for some of the younger homeschooled kids we know.
It is a strictly NO ADULTS (and no toddlers…) affair – except that I will be there to supervise river swimming and be the token adult.  I am imagining 3 days of peace and quiet, books to read, a river to swim in….

Hannah is super organised and very motivated to be doing such a thing.  The mostly 10 year olds are children she knows really well and all look up to her.

Then the boys all have a Tae Kwon Do camp. this is a three day intensive.

And we have a couple of birthdays.
Plus hopefully warm, river swimming, hammock lazing and book reading weather.
Friends are muttering about lots of local camping trips, a canoe trip, tramping….

The teller in the bank today was asking about homeschooling – a common query when you have a school aged child with you during the day.  She really, really wanted to to know if and when we stopped homechooling for the summer holidays. She seemed determined to understand how they could learn to write and do maths.

So I gave her the potted version, the-one-minute-this-is-unschooling.  I did have a growing queue behind me, who could no doubt hear every word….

One of the easiest ways to explain to others what our lives look like is to say they are like the summer holidays, just all the time (with slight temperature changes).

Looking at our January, already filling up with dates, yes I guess our life is one big summer holiday.
As I said to her the kids don’t stop asking questions or stop learning just because of the date.

And thanks goodness for that.
I can answer questions and queries very well from the hammock too….

Caravan adventure

Last weekend Charlie had a big adventure.  He stayed away  by himself for the first time.
Lured by the prospect of staying in Henry’s new caravan….and  he ended up staying two nights.

Not only that but the two boys did their own cooking, dishes and entertained themselves in the caravan hardly venturing out or into the house!

It was planned like a TV show – you know “your challenge is to survive three days alone in the caravan…”  Henry’s mum did ask if they would be OK eating baked beans for three days, but when they are doing their own dishes, I think yes…!
The absolute dedication to the task at hand, the excitement, the planning, the independence, the total buzz.  They were honestly like two older flatmates, discussing meals and chores.

When I went to drag him away, I was thinking about school camps.  The local school has been away this week, which affects us in a small town.
We have two great camps a year with our homeschool group, so do not in any way feel the kids are missing out on  such experiences.

This mini camp the two boys spontaneously planned and  executed was so much more.
They spent an entire morning playing poker.
They were excited about doing dishes and cleaning up because it was their space.
They happily popped out to feed the animals when required.
They requested the food they needed that they felt they could easily cook.
They took themselves off to bed after happily brushing their teeth.  (!!)

For them it was such a fantastic game.  It is a lovely age, being that time when they like to mirror what is happening in the adult world around them.  Playing house (or caravan) with real food, really sleeping, no adults must be the perfect game.

I am so glad to have such good, like-minded friends up the road who can help to nurture and raise our kids with us.

(Sorry no photos either…next time!)

Reporting time

It is school report time in our house, that is Wayne, not me!

He is up to his ears in test results and computer programmes to record them all.
He has worked much of the weekend on them, expletives drifting up from behind the computer…… Next weekend will be the same.  High stress.

It inspired me to work on the kids’ folders.  I keep clearfiles with photos, comments, theatre programmes, tickets & brochures.  The kids LOVE looking through them, although admittedly I have been neglecting them since I have been blogging.
It is really special that they have their own record of what they have been doing.  Often it inspires them to get something out to play with or try an old game.  It has also been a great reminder of the wonderful life we have and of the many varied and interesting things we do.

That sort of thing….

I also wondered what our children’s  reports would look like…?

Happiness                               A+

Self Love                                 A+

Passion                                    A+

Freedom                                 A+

Self expression                     A+

Confidence                            A+

mmmmmmmmmm

Imagine the National Standards with these subjects!
Now there is a change I would be happy to be a part of.

Un-learning – may the force be with you…..

Thanks to the friend who sent me this thinking I could use it!
I am quite up on Jedi attributes having two Star Wars fans in the house.  In fact the other night, while trying to read in bed Charlie kept quizzing me from a book he was reading which was all about the Jedi order and heaps of questions to help you decide if you are more suited to the dark side or life as a Jedi master.  Even though I was slightly frustrated at being interrupted I was still glad that my answers always showed me to be poor Sith material and a good guy every time…Whew!

But this also reminds me that when we started to homeschool, after the older two had been at school for 2 years, I was told that they would need to “de-school” (honestly the jargin these days!). By this, it was exactly like Jedi training without the light sabers, well,  actually there has always been light sabers too…

That is, re train yourself to be independent.
To finish activities in your own time, do what you want to do when you want to do them.
Seize the day, seize the moment, your mum, your light saber, lighten up, chill out, pick more daisies and yes then make them into a potion if you want to, add baking soda?  Sure.  Vinegar? yep…..

I imagine there is a whole a lot of un-learning that has to occur post school too, When children arrive in the big wide world – the real world where no bell or timetable tells you what to do.
I see what we are doing , by unschooling, as giving our children the heads up, a good start to life.
It seems to be working so far, the dovetailing into ‘grown up’ stuff like working for money, buying your own clothes, getting on with people from all walks of life, all ages, all cultures all abilities, cooking, shopping, asking for what you need, knowing who you are, what your strengths are, why you are here….
(Copyright – the unschooling curriculum)

As adults we have so much to un-learn.  To re-learn too.
Which makes for an exciting time full of  surprises and of new ideas to assimilate and keep us well occupied as active life long learners.

I guess the less  time our children have to spend trying to un-learn or re-learn later in life, then the more time they have for other, perhaps more poignant things which is  a very exciting prospect indeed.

The risk of unschooling

Just a reminder that I only use the term “Unschooling” (aka natural learning, life learning, life…) so others can stick us in a box, label us, and start to understand what that means.
I forget how strange unschooling as a concept must seem to those for whom it is new.  When I meet someone new, and get introduced as an unschooling parent there are many questions.

“Isn’t is a big risk?” is one.
Well yes.  Of course it is a risk.
I would counter that by suggesting that sending your children to school is a big risk, the only difference being that there is someone else, a system, to blame if  your child is seen as to  fail in any way.   (Which of course plenty of children “fail”  miserably  in the school system. ) If that is the only difference, and you live your life in an accepting and blame free way, then there is no reason to send your children to school, right??!

Unschooling is also an adventure.

It is also our lives and the lives of our children we are talking about.
For this I am prepared to risk everything, by doing the very best I can for them.
You can never get those 13 years of school-going back, or  their childhoods.  This is no dress rehearsal where if the school system doesn’t work you can go back next time and do it differently.  You know those poems that start -“If I had my life to live over again I would….” Well, you don’t, you just only ever have the NOW.

Is it OK to have your child in an institution for 13 years?
Especially if they are not happy. And  I meet a lot of children who actively dislike school.  The funny thing is that our culture is one where children are almost expected to not like school.  To not like their teachers or the work they do.  It is a part of modern pop culture there are tee-shirts reinforcing this, there are songs and jokes about it.
What does this teach them about the world?   About learning? About themselves?

In our homeschooling circles, most of the parents take their children and their feelings very seriously, that is to help them  meet their needs, keep them happy, help them to  make changes so they are happy.  If one of our kids is unhappy about something they are doing, then they stop.  We respect them, listen to them, talk about ways to solve the issue.

I am so glad I have never had to  tell them – “tough, you have to go and keep going for 13 years.”
It did take me two years to really hear them when they were at school – the older two asked regularly to be homeschooled.  I check in with Charlie too,  see if he wants to go to school.  Funnily enough he would be great at school, a  teacher’s dream as he is so organised, efficient, quick to pick things up, helpful….Still I am greatly relieved when he always answers that  -no thanks he does not want to go to school!

So I guess for me, seeing life in the big picture way I do, there is a risk in everything you do – getting out of bed in the morning, crossing roads, driving…… I love Helen Keller’s saying that “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.”

I see no risk in loving my children, reading to them, showing them the world, talking, hugging, travelling, feeding them well, having adventures together and supporting them as they grow and begin to flutter in and out of the nest on their own adventures, taking their own risks.

So no, I guess not sending them to school doesn’t seem like a risk at all….

Life may be risky, but it is also beautiful, colourful and fun.
The colours of Spirits Bay – Kapowairua