How to Raise a Creator!
10 Tips for Modeling Happiness and Success!
When it comes to raising happy and self-confident kids, I’ve found the most important rule is…
“I must be who I wish to see in my kids”
To clarify that, being who I want to see in my kids means I must be committed to taking full control and responsibility for my life and all situations and circumstances in it.
Understanding that taking control and creating my life means taking the bull by the horns and simply declaring it and living into it. Okay, “simply” didn’t so much apply to the “living into it” part, but the truth is that it has certainly become simple. In my choosing to be the creator of my life I know that I am modeling an “I’m a creator” mindset for my children.
To Raise a Powerful Creator…Be a Powerful Creator!
Almost four years ago, like so many other moms and dads out there I went through the “emotional ringer” when my boys mom ended our fifteen year marriage. They were ten and seven at the time and for the previous seven years I had been the stay at home parent with them.
I spent the first year of living in my two bedroom apartment, with my boys room all boyishly decorated with cool new bunk-beds, alone every other week, and every week they were not with me I lost my appetite, couldn’t sleep and cried for hours like a child who just lost their puppy, every evening.
When I finally realized that I had been giving away my power to create my “new” life the way I truly want, and I had been living my life like some sort of victim, my life began to change. I finally got that I wasn’t living like I was the “cause” of my life but rather living at the “effect” of it.
I found there were 10 extremely important changes I needed to make to my way of thinking in order to fully believe in and embrace my power to be the creator of my life, and I want nothing more than for my boys to follow my lead and be creators of their own lives too.
1. Believe You Have the Power:
I know first hand this can be a challenge, but it really isn’t hard to believe that in order put any power to positive use, the first step is to know the power actually exists. The power I’m talking about here is the power we all have to be who we wish to be, havewhat we wish to have and succeed at what we wish to succeed at. Do others have some special power to be living the life that we wish we could have? NO! The difference between us lies only in the way we THINK. If we think and believe we don’t have what it takes to live the life of our dreams or the power to do it, then it just won’t happen, because in order to achieve anything we must believe we have the power to achieve it.
2. Believe Happiness is an “Inside Job”
We all want to be happy, but we must believe that happiness comes from our inside belief that we deserve to be happy and our belief that we create it from the inside. In fact clinical research over the past 15 years shows that “happiness” and overall emotional wellbeing is primarily dictated by our choice to be happier and there are proven powerful steps we can take to steadily increase our satisfaction with live. We can make our life amazingly happy if we choose to learn to do what it takes to create it.
3. Accept Yourself for Who You Are! (This was such a cool feeling!)
When I stopped trying to impress others and finally accepted and embraced who I am, and stopped trying so hard to be something that I’m not just to make others like me, I found people were drawn to me effortlessly. The moment you accept and embrace the real you and begin to truly love yourself, you will find people will be drawn to you. And the truth is… how can we expect others to accept and love us when we can’t accept and love ourselves? When we give love we receive love. When we give love and acceptance to ourselves we begin to see more love and acceptance in all aspects of our life.
4. Excuses Away!
Here’s the thing, making excuses is a complete waste of your valuable time. Making excuses is so much easier than actually working toward our goals, and in fact easier than setting them in the first place. Take responsibility for your future! Don’t let yourself get stuck in the same rut I did by lying to myself, using any excuse I could dream up to remain a victim of my life circumstances. Make no excuse for living your best life!
5. Whose Really to Blame?
This is where I gave my power away to my ex-wife. Sure, she may have been the one to put an end to our marriage but blaming her for my emotional woes was pointless. Taking responsibility for my part and owning my situations lead to my learning to let go and move on with MY life with my kids. Blaming also leads to toxic thoughts of vengeance like wishing the worst for the one we are blaming. This is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel the effect of it. For years I blamed my own father for MY fear of becoming a dad myself. I felt for a very long time it was his fault that I developed the belief I would likely become a horrible dad. I blamed him for my thoughts! Really?
My life completely changed when I fully understood that how I feel and what direction I move in has nothing to do with what others say or do, or what situations I find myself in, but rather how I choose to react and respond in thought to my situations and to those around me.
6. Embrace Change!
Don’t resist change, embrace it! Change is what makes life exciting and full. When we want a circumstance in our life to change we need only change the way we are thinking about the circumstance. I recall hearing Dr. Wayne Dyer saying “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change” and I keep that thought always! Try it yourself and you’ll see that it works.
7. Complain No More!
Honestly, when I began to take responsibility and stopped bitching and I fully got that I am the only person responsible for me, my whole life changed! People, events and situations that I thought made me sad, angry and bitter didn’t at all because the only thing can make me sad, angry or bitter is ME allowing these things to make me feel that way. There is truly an art to allowing and learning this art helps us understand how and what we allow to affect us, either in a positive or negative way. But either way, we choose it!
8. Accept Others!
Stop judging people, things and events just because you don’t understand them. Just because something seems “weird” or different does not mean it is bad or wrong. When you accept others it becomes much easier to tackle #5 above (accepting yourself).
9. Look Forward! Not Backward!
There are only two reasons to look back on the past…
- To reminisce happy and meaningful events and recall with positive emotion people who have made a difference in our lives or remember with love those who may no longer be in our lives or we’ve lost touch with.
- To indentify and replace negative or limiting beliefs that may have developed through our previous life experiences and to clearly see the learning and growing opportunities from previous choices, mistakes or failures.
Aside from the reasons above to pay any thought attention to the past there are no other constructive reasons to go there. Looking forward to achieving the goals we have set for ourselves is the only way to achieve them.
10. Live up to YOUR Own Expectations:
So many people, including me their lives according to what others think is best for them, we live our lives according to what our parents expect of us, our friends, even our enemies! In many cases it’s the life the media projects. We pass this way of being down to our children and we can see it with crystal clarity. We all have an inner voice that will reveal to us our inner calling but so many of us are so busy with pleasing everybody else, with living up to other people’s expectations and fail to listen to that inner voice. We lose control over our lives and forget what makes us happy – what we want, what we need. We all have just one life to live so we need to own it and not be mislead by others opinions. This is HUGE for our kids to learn because they are in throws of living up to our expectations, their teachers and friends and it’s very important to show them they get to create expectations for themselves too and in fact they are the most important person they need to impress by living up to them.
These may all seem like “rules for living a powerful life” that you may have heard before or read in some self-help book, because they are certainly things I have heard for many years, and the reason I’m sharing these with you is not to just reproduce these life lessons so you can read them again, but to share with you that these are THE most powerful and effective shifts I had to personally make to shift my own life from the anxiety that living at the effect of it can bring, to taking full control of and creating my own happiness.
But the most rewarding of all feelings is that of pure joy in seeing my boys become the creators of their own lives and watch them create abundant adventure, joy, love and happiness.
If you or someone you know is experiencing challenges in any of these areas, please know I am here to help!
With Much Love and Happiness!
Your Teaching Happiness Coach!