messy-ness

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Here is a  great message  from Scott Noelle.  (The Daily Groove)

:: Life Is Messy… Get Over It! ::

In man’s quest to conquer nature, our culture has
developed an unhealthy aversion to the natural
messiness of life.

Heaven forbid you should eat an apple that isn’t nice
and round and free of bug bites. Those get made into
applesauce so we never have to see their messiness!

And if our high-tech, Star Trek fantasies were real,
we could avoid the messiness of birth and simply
“beam” babies out of the womb — without a drop of
blood in sight.

Even if you’re a “crunchy” parent who’s not afraid
of nature’s messiness, there may be other kinds of
messes you abhor, like the messy ways children learn,
explore, and process emotions. Or the messy way *you*
grow through parenthood.

Today, whenever you feel bothered about anything, ask
yourself, “What ‘messiness’ am I resisting?” Are you
not allowing your *own* process to be messy?

Well, get over it! Life IS messy. 🙂

Let life’s messes remind you how good it is to be ALIVE!

—————————

I think in terms of unschooling  he says it well – learning is messy.

Obviously the house and garden are extremely messy, that goes without saying!
The hand drawn signs on the walls advertising a shop, the lego base that has somehow taken over the whole lounge and cannot be touched, the drying clay creations on the dining room table, the arrangements of buckets and ropes outside…..Somehow I can cope with that- most homeschooling parents do.

(Although I have been a wee bit precious over having new carpet and enjoying  having a near empty (tidy) room –  after a few weeks the toys are slowly creeping back in…..  Not the Lego however – Charlies actual room, that he does never sleeps in, has been given  over completely to Lego.  Not a piece of furniture or un-Lego related guff allowed.)
I am laughing because the computer only wants to spell Lego with a capital L.   Fair enough – Charlie would approve!

So that practical messiness is soon over, too soon.    Everything passes and nothing quicker than our children’s childhood.    I have learned to love the “messy” games they have set up because there is so much value in them and so much happiness derived from them.

The process of learning however can be harder to deal with.  We all earn differently,  at different paces and we all need to learn different things for our own lives.  When you have more than one person doing this in a family it can look very messy, totally unstructured.  Of course it is free, easy, wonderful, fun and inspiring too, and that can take some getting used to!

I love what he says about emotions.  This is a big one for many parents  I  think.   I cannot separate out the academic and the emotional,  but I know which is more important to me!  (Go on have a wild guess…)

Kids are people too – just littler and less experienced and LEARNING about everything –  how to be, how to react how to deal with feelings and those of others, their expectations, disappointments, frustrations.  This is huge and of course… Messy .  I like this description.  When a child feels strongly and reacts strongly to something it can be very messy.  For them and also for you.
Supporting  them while they really feel the full range if emotions is so important.

I have friends who will sit quietly with a 3 year old who is just screaming and sobbing for no apparent outwardly visible or explainable reason.  They just hang with them, stroking them, asking if  they can help, understanding, waiting  lovingly until the child has finished.   Often 45 minutes.  So amazing and inspiring to see parents with such love and understanding.

It is the same for us, but for most  adults we have learned to act outwardly in an appropriate and socially acceptable way.  There is still an element in our society of acting  “right” being “good” – and not in any authentic way, just in a superficial way.
Don’t be angry.
Don’t be sad.
Don’t be frustrated (especially not all over the supermarket floor…)

Such a shame, when you are wanting to bring up your children to be who they really are, to be authentic.

Be the change you want to see.

Here is s great little list I received today, a good reminder about why we should be authentic.

How to Raise a Creator!

10 Tips for Modeling Happiness and Success!

When it comes to raising happy and self-confident kids, I’ve found the most important rule is…

“I must be who I wish to see in my kids” 

To clarify that, being who I want to see in my kids means I must be committed to taking full control and responsibility for my life and all situations and circumstances in it.

Understanding that taking control and creating my life means taking the bull by the horns and simply declaring it and living into it.  Okay, “simply” didn’t so much apply to the “living into it” part, but the truth is that it has certainly become simple.   In my choosing to be the creator of my life I know that I am modeling an “I’m a creator” mindset for my children.

To Raise a Powerful Creator…Be a Powerful Creator!

Almost four years ago, like so many other moms and dads out there I went through the “emotional ringer” when my boys mom ended our fifteen year marriage.  They were ten and seven at the time and for the previous seven years I had been the stay at home parent with them.

I spent the first year of living in my two bedroom apartment, with my boys room all boyishly decorated with cool new bunk-beds, alone every other week, and every week they were not with me I lost my appetite, couldn’t sleep and cried for hours like a child who just lost their puppy, every evening.

When I finally realized that I had been giving away my power to create my “new” life the way I truly want, and I had been living my life like some sort of victim, my life began to change.  I finally got that I wasn’t living like I was the “cause” of my life but rather living at the “effect” of it.

I found there were 10 extremely important changes I needed to make to my way of thinking in order to fully believe in and embrace my power to be the creator of my life, and I want nothing more than for my boys to follow my lead and be creators of their own lives too.

1. Believe You Have the Power:
I know first hand this can be a challenge, but it really isn’t hard to believe that in order put any power to positive use, the first step is to know the power actually exists.  The power I’m talking about here is the power we all have to be who we wish to behavewhat we wish to have and succeed at what we wish to succeed at.   Do others have some special power to be living the life that we wish we could have?  NO!  The difference between us lies only in the way we THINK.  If we think and believe we don’t have what it takes to live the life of our dreams or the power to do it, then it just won’t happen, because in order to achieve anything we must believe we have the power to achieve it.

2. Believe Happiness is an “Inside Job”
We all want to be happy, but we must believe that happiness comes from our inside belief that we deserve to be happy and our belief that we create it from the inside.  In fact clinical research over the past 15 years shows that “happiness” and overall emotional wellbeing is primarily dictated by our choice to be happier and there are proven powerful steps we can take to steadily increase our satisfaction with live.  We can make our life amazingly happy if we choose to learn to do what it takes to create it.

3. Accept Yourself for Who You Are!  (This was such a cool feeling!)  
When I stopped trying to impress others and finally accepted and embraced who I am, and stopped trying so hard to be something that I’m not just to make others like me, I found people were drawn to me effortlessly. The moment you accept and embrace the real you and begin to truly love yourself, you will find people will be drawn to you.  And the truth is… how can we expect others to accept and love us when we can’t accept and love ourselves?  When we give love we receive love.  When we give love and acceptance to ourselves we begin to see more love and acceptance in all aspects of our life.

4. Excuses Away!  
Here’s the thing, making excuses is a complete waste of your valuable time.  Making excuses is so much easier than actually working toward our goals, and in fact easier than setting them in the first place.  Take responsibility for your future!  Don’t let yourself get stuck in the same rut I did by lying to myself, using any excuse I could dream up to remain a victim of my life circumstances. Make no excuse for living your best life!

5. Whose Really to Blame?
This is where I gave my power away to my ex-wife.  Sure, she may have been the one to put an end to our marriage but blaming her for my emotional woes was pointless.  Taking responsibility for my part and owning my situations lead to my learning to let go and move on with MY life with my kids.   Blaming also leads to toxic thoughts of vengeance like wishing the worst for the one we are blaming.  This is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel the effect of it.  For years I blamed my own father for MY fear of becoming a dad myself.  I felt for a very long time it was his fault that I developed the belief I would likely become a horrible dad.  I blamed him for my thoughts! Really?
My life completely changed when I fully understood that how I feel and what direction I move in has nothing to do with what others say or do, or what situations I find myself in, but rather how I choose to react and respond in thought to my situations and to those around me.

6. Embrace Change!
Don’t resist change, embrace it!  Change is what makes life exciting and full.    When we want a circumstance in our life to change we need only change the way we are thinking about the circumstance.  I recall hearing Dr. Wayne Dyer saying “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change” and I keep that thought always!  Try it yourself and you’ll see that it works.

7. Complain No More!
Honestly, when I began to take responsibility and stopped bitching and I fully got that I am the only person responsible for me, my whole life changed! People, events and situations that I thought made me sad, angry and bitter didn’t at all because the only thing can make me sad, angry or bitter is ME allowing these things to make me feel that way.   There is truly an art to allowing and learning this art helps us understand how and what we allow to affect us, either in a positive or negative way.  But either way, we choose it!

8. Accept Others!
Stop judging people, things and events just because you don’t understand them. Just because something seems “weird” or different does not mean it is bad or wrong.  When you accept others it becomes much easier to tackle #5 above (accepting yourself).

9. Look Forward! Not Backward!
There are only two reasons to look back on the past…

  1. To reminisce happy and meaningful events and recall with positive emotion people who have made a difference in our lives or remember with love those who may no longer be in our lives or we’ve lost touch with.
  2. To indentify and replace negative or limiting beliefs that may have developed through our previous life experiences and to clearly see the learning and growing opportunities from previous choices, mistakes or failures.

Aside from the reasons above to pay any thought attention to the past there are no other constructive reasons to go there.  Looking forward to achieving the goals we have set for ourselves is the only way to achieve them.

10. Live up to YOUR Own Expectations:
So many people, including me their lives according to what others think is best for them, we live our lives according to what our parents expect of us, our friends, even our enemies! In many cases it’s the life the media projects.  We pass this way of being down to our children and we can see it with crystal clarity.  We all have an inner voice that will reveal to us our inner calling but so many of us are so busy with pleasing everybody else, with living up to other people’s expectations and fail to listen to that inner voice.  We lose control over our lives and forget what makes us happy – what we want, what we need. We all have just one life to live so we need to own it and not be mislead by others opinions.  This is HUGE for our kids to learn because they are in throws of living up to our expectations, their teachers and friends and it’s very important to show them they get to create expectations for themselves too and in fact they are the most important person they need to impress by living up to them.

These may all seem like “rules for living a powerful life” that you may have heard before or read in some self-help book, because they are certainly things I have heard for many years, and the reason I’m sharing these with you is not to just reproduce these life lessons so you can read them again, but to share with you that these are THE most powerful and effective shifts I had to personally make to shift my own life from the anxiety that living at the effect of it can bring, to taking full control of and creating my own happiness.

But the most rewarding of all feelings is that of pure joy in seeing my boys become the creators of their own lives and watch them create abundant adventure, joy, love and happiness.

If you or someone you know is experiencing challenges in any of these areas, please know I am here to help!

With Much Love and Happiness!
Patrick McMillan
Your Teaching Happiness Coach!

 

 

 

Check out Patrick  here –

http://us4.campaign-archive2.com/?u=b8774a7cdaa472a67cfd0588c&id=fa6efa5f6b&e=9be46786f5

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