I just came across this lovely story in Louse Hay’s ‘Heal Your Life’ e-zine. It is such a great reminder to keep affirming all the good to your children and in fact everyone in you life. We all need reminders sometimes that we are on track, especially when parenting. Especially when having any relationships. Especially while we are all on this wonderful journey called life. And of course what you give out, you get back
I remember reading a gorgeous little thing that goes like this…
“How do you know if you still have stuff to learn in life? Just check if you are still breathing…. then yes!”
Ok, so here is the article –
My life as a parent changed when I embraced these two rules:
1. You are the best dad for your kids. Stop beating yourself up on being a bad parent.
2. Love is the only parenting style there is. The Universe takes care of the rest.
Gone are the days where I would send hours blaming and doubting every parenting step. I was self-sabotaging my parenthood. Now I tell them I love them no matter what. I affirm, I am a good dad. I spend quality time with my kids. My kids feel a strong bond with me. My presence is enriching their lives everyday.
These affirmations have created a reality that is beyond my imagination. From being the pestering, complaining parent, I feel I am a loving, powerful presence in their lives. I do have my days, but for the most part it has been a turn-around. I am more convinced that it is the thoughts that count – the Universe takes care of the rest.
Shreya had become quieter and more reserved over the years. We had conversations, but it felt somewhat distant. I couldn’t touch her heart. In the last six months or so, I got into this habit of writing small affirmation notes for Shreya. After I conclude my morning meditations, if I feel an inspiration, I write a small note expressing my love, or to remind her what she is good at, or to excite her about what she is capable of. I generally stick it somewhere in her room for her to read. I didn’t know if she would care about them, but I wanted to express myself nevertheless.
I did it the first time, she said nothing of it. She probably read it and threw it away. The same thing happened the next time and the next time. One day I asked her – “Shreya, are you reading the affirmation notes I leave for you from time to time? Do you like them?”.
She grabbed my hand, took me to the side of the bookshelf which faces her bed. She had each note neatly arranged so that she could see them the first thing in the morning. She said – “Papa, I love them. They make my day. You never told me you loved me so much”. I had tears in my eyes.
In the last six months, I have seen her bloom, smile more often, hug more often, her self-esteem has grown, she makes better decisions and she is doing better at school. I feel blessed. Sure she goofs up at times (and I do too!). On these occasions, I try and make it a point to tell her I love her no matter what, and ask her what she learnt from the experience. I don’t feel the need for disciplining her beyond that. Rohan and I always have fun together. He is still small, but seeing Shreya’s turn-around, I know I have to live by the same rules for Rohan as well.
When I got the request from Verity to write this article, I went up to my daughter and asked her if I am have improved as a dad and if I am qualified to write this article. She went something like this – ” No. Well actually you have improved quite a bit. But you have a lot more improvements to make.” I took that as a resounding ‘yes’, gave myself a pat on the back, went back to staying conscious as a Dad, 100% of the time ..